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authenticity
May 2008 
Speaking from myself...
Posted on Mar 19th, 2008
by 
Crealisator
Crealisator
Speaking from myself… what comes out tonight?
Cristoph Schaub writes, in “Second-tier Community: Or the Myth of Unity”
“Talking from us requires both courage and humility, for we equally need to be willing to disclose who we are, as willing to listen. We have become so accustomed to talking about us that talking from us is next to foreign to us. In order to speak from rather than about us, we have to show up and reveal our face. Speaking from us makes us aware of our differences; speaking from us has us re-cognize that not everyone approaches life in the way we do; speaking from us is how we, ultimately, fulfill our own fate and thus become free from the morass of metaphorical unity, into which we are born.” (my emphasis)
I talk a lot as if I know what I am saying, but when people really inquire, I dip back into saying that I don’t really know how to implement the integral theoretical model I so fervently propagate, to real life. I pretend to know what I am talking about but maybe my brain is just a bit ahead of the curve because I’ve been using it too much and assume that this activity and quickness grants me righteousness. I also notice now I’m typing in English, that I don’t master the language as well as I tell myself when I don’t use it. I think that I am on my way to greatness… I chase illusions of change and innovation without lifting a stone myself. I read theories to still my anxiety over not feeling a grasp on the world, it is a bingeing habit that used food before and now stuffs my head with theories and arguments and dreams of a better future than the one I fear we will create… I fear we will create a horrible future because I do not trust myself to bring light. Am I writing about or from myself? Am I showing my face now? Or is this just… spewing?
The monsters of concrete pave my colorful skin as I writhe therein in wishes to mean something in this world and change what I believe is evil and unconscious, subconscious drives I pretend to see in others but I’m blind as they are for I see only a world to change and people to rate and life to braid into a structure I hate so much to get caught in I entangle myself in it in my wild wrestling to free myself and –I assume- the whole world from it.
Communicating to the unknown readers of this blog –maybe you- am I being narcissistic? All about myself, this text is flaying my incoherent mental entrails against the screen of your awareness, haven’t you stopped reading yet? Maybe there is a higher truth or awareness fueling this, or maybe this seems bold to openly explore the shadows of my ‘interiors’… I know as little about the words that are to come while typing them as you do reading them. I just corrected ‘writing’ into ‘typing’ in the sentence before. Bear with me, this might be going somewhere.
I feel the need to contribute somehow, and find those people acting from a true concern for the wellbeing of all existence, of the universe, the cosmos, the Kosmos, because inside I believe I have experienced this spark of care and compassion and righteous action. Who am I? It is the question whose search seems to be driven by the desire to find that light within, the wish to find the beauty we so miss. We… I spoke for you, but did i? I spoke for me, but doubted whether I did, so I covered it up with ‘we’. Bumconsciously.
Yes, showing myself in this writing shows my incoherence, something I fight all the time, a fight I leave unfinished. Because I am consistent in not being consistent. And it’s okay.
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed in this text do not represent those of Tijmen Brozius. They are solely the product of different interacting beliefs and viewpoints within his mind, and are subject to change as we read them. Do not take this text seriously, nor dismiss it as total rubbish: it might help you found a new belief which you will take seriously, debunk and ridicule later on. Which means that you will have lived, just as well as you would have, had you not read this.
With the word love,
Tijmen Brozius
Cristoph Schaub writes, in “Second-tier Community: Or the Myth of Unity”
“Talking from us requires both courage and humility, for we equally need to be willing to disclose who we are, as willing to listen. We have become so accustomed to talking about us that talking from us is next to foreign to us. In order to speak from rather than about us, we have to show up and reveal our face. Speaking from us makes us aware of our differences; speaking from us has us re-cognize that not everyone approaches life in the way we do; speaking from us is how we, ultimately, fulfill our own fate and thus become free from the morass of metaphorical unity, into which we are born.” (my emphasis)
I talk a lot as if I know what I am saying, but when people really inquire, I dip back into saying that I don’t really know how to implement the integral theoretical model I so fervently propagate, to real life. I pretend to know what I am talking about but maybe my brain is just a bit ahead of the curve because I’ve been using it too much and assume that this activity and quickness grants me righteousness. I also notice now I’m typing in English, that I don’t master the language as well as I tell myself when I don’t use it. I think that I am on my way to greatness… I chase illusions of change and innovation without lifting a stone myself. I read theories to still my anxiety over not feeling a grasp on the world, it is a bingeing habit that used food before and now stuffs my head with theories and arguments and dreams of a better future than the one I fear we will create… I fear we will create a horrible future because I do not trust myself to bring light. Am I writing about or from myself? Am I showing my face now? Or is this just… spewing?
The monsters of concrete pave my colorful skin as I writhe therein in wishes to mean something in this world and change what I believe is evil and unconscious, subconscious drives I pretend to see in others but I’m blind as they are for I see only a world to change and people to rate and life to braid into a structure I hate so much to get caught in I entangle myself in it in my wild wrestling to free myself and –I assume- the whole world from it.
Communicating to the unknown readers of this blog –maybe you- am I being narcissistic? All about myself, this text is flaying my incoherent mental entrails against the screen of your awareness, haven’t you stopped reading yet? Maybe there is a higher truth or awareness fueling this, or maybe this seems bold to openly explore the shadows of my ‘interiors’… I know as little about the words that are to come while typing them as you do reading them. I just corrected ‘writing’ into ‘typing’ in the sentence before. Bear with me, this might be going somewhere.
I feel the need to contribute somehow, and find those people acting from a true concern for the wellbeing of all existence, of the universe, the cosmos, the Kosmos, because inside I believe I have experienced this spark of care and compassion and righteous action. Who am I? It is the question whose search seems to be driven by the desire to find that light within, the wish to find the beauty we so miss. We… I spoke for you, but did i? I spoke for me, but doubted whether I did, so I covered it up with ‘we’. Bumconsciously.
Yes, showing myself in this writing shows my incoherence, something I fight all the time, a fight I leave unfinished. Because I am consistent in not being consistent. And it’s okay.
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed in this text do not represent those of Tijmen Brozius. They are solely the product of different interacting beliefs and viewpoints within his mind, and are subject to change as we read them. Do not take this text seriously, nor dismiss it as total rubbish: it might help you found a new belief which you will take seriously, debunk and ridicule later on. Which means that you will have lived, just as well as you would have, had you not read this.
With the word love,
Tijmen Brozius
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